"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."

"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."

"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

"You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time."

"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

"If dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"

"We are like oil and water, but all my other relationships are like oil and vinegar! Delicious!"

"I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her."

"Some believe all that parents, tutors, and kindred believe. They take their principles by inheritance, and defend them as they would their estates, because they are born heirs to them."

"All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible."

"Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true."

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat."