"You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"

"If money is the root of all evil, then why do we have to have jobs?"

"I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

"Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."

"There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another."

"War is hell, and I mean to make it so."

"Immature love says, I love you because I need you, mature love says, I need you because I love you."

"All cats are gray in the dark."

"Show me the man who keeps his house in hand,He's fit for public authority."

"If you want your life to be more rewarding, you have to change the way you think."